Tips on Using Emotional Intelligence to Your Advantage in Business Negotiations
Women have heard for decades that they are too emotional for business. In response, many women try to avoid emotion at the office, which is a misguided consequence of such criticism. After all, some of the best leaders have been known to make decisions based on emotion, not logic.
So acknowledge and embrace this truth about humans. Rather than seeing emotion and empathy as the enemy, use it to your advantage, and understand that emotion is a savvy woman’s secret weapon in business. In fact, many women have an advantage over men in emotional intelligence and well-developed empathy: it is far easier to convince someone to come to your side if you understand and acknowledge their point of view and find ways to address their needs.
Here’s how to start: consider the people with whom you may be negotiating with in a business setting. Perhaps it is a buyer, a customer, someone hiring for a job, or a salesperson for a vendor. Each one of these people is seeking to have needs met. Those needs may have rational aspects, such as meeting a budget, quota or time constraint. But even these practical considerations have an emotional underpinning (fear, third-party pressures, desires, hopes, etc.). Their most valued relationships are with people who understand their needs and meet them.
Negotiate Without Neediness, But With Emotional Smarts
How to do this well: in the early part of a negotiation, dialogue with the other person. During the conversation, subtly inquire about the person’s needs. Using empathy and emotional intelligence, gain an understanding of those needs. If you can find common ground that meets the requirements of all parties, the negotiation will be more pleasant and successful.
For example, consider negotiating a car purchase for a relative, an aunt perhaps. Before going into this situation, a smart woman will be prepared with parameters for the purchase (including targeting acceptable cars, having a budget, and understanding the value and price range of the car).
Here’s how things might work on both sides, once the conversation starts:
- During the negotiation, the salesperson will ask questions and seek to gain trust and rapport with the customer. Acting for her aunt, the woman should politely listen and engage in friendly conversation to build rapport and trust back. Then she can inquire about the motivations of the seller – why the salesperson needs to sell her aunt that car at that moment.
- In the course of the conversation, the niece can say something like: “I love my Aunt Tilda, and I’m here to watch out for her. The car-buying process can be so intimidating for her since my Uncle Joe died. Do you have a family that you watch out for?” Asking about his family helps her learn the salesperson’s motivations: for instance, it is likely the salesperson is working to provide for his family. He probably has quotas to meet to keep his job, and hence keep food on his table.
- Also, the niece might do some homework and realize that the car for sale is a late model and needs to be moved off the lot to make room for incoming inventory. Knowing this from her advance preparation, the niece can say something more direct: “My Aunt Tilda has a limited budget. But I know it is late in the year, and the 2016 models are coming out. If we bought a car today, would that help your sales numbers with Ford and your boss?”
- Then she could follow up with, “Well, I trust that you will do a good deal for my Aunt Tilda now that we’ve talked. I could recommend that she buy the car now, if it will help you out. But all she can afford is $20,000, including taxes and tags. Is that a price that meets your needs, too?” This does two things. First, she is communicating her needs in a non-threatening way that the salesperson can empathize with. Second, she is communicating that the proposal meets the needs of the salesperson, too.
- The salesman may say no, and try to increase the price. Once the boundary limit on price is reached, the niece can politely apologize, then state that she must leave because Aunt Tilda truly cannot afford more than $20,000. If she gets up and starts to leave (or even does leave), odds are that the salesman will call her back and come down to the price she dictated, so long as it is truly a fair price and the dealership will make a profit. If the dealership does not, the aunt must have faith that there will be other cars and other dealerships that will meet her needs.
This method works. I’ve done it. Try it next time you buy a car or engage in a high-pressure sales situation.
Women do not need to be aggressive jerks to win in negotiations. People who see negotiations as win-lose and try to browbeat the other side are not necessarily more successful at getting good deals – and certainly, women do not have to adopt this conquer and bully attitude to get what they need. Instead, use the natural female gifts of empathy and emotional intelligence to gently persuade and find win-win solutions. With practice over time, smart negotiation skills lessen any distracting, heart-thumping sensations, and become easy to call upon in a crucial business scenario.